Adotpion

I wasn't sure how to title this post.  The following post are about our adoption (4th time) of Addie.  A beautiful 2 (just turned 3) year old.  We knew she has special needs.  She was listed a special focus child because she had more then one special need.  She has repaired CHD, cleft lip repaired , cleft pallet needs to be and seizure activity.  Ive tried to post about how difficult it can be when you travel half way around the world and are given a very sick child.  That once you get home you find our her needs are sooooooo much more then you imagined. How the whole family is affected and struggle with little sleep, hospital stays, and no normalcy. How your heart brakes for this tiny little girl who you just want to make better.  How scary it all was in China and how some families might have walked away. 

"Regular Days"

So today is one week out of the hospital.  We give Addie meds 3 times a day.  It will be back down to two after her current antibiotic is done.  She will be on a low dose of antibiotic until we figure out the throwing up but that is only once a day and mixed with her other meds.  We got the call yesterday that they can put in her ear tubes tomorrow.  The thing that is going to suck is they scheduled her for 1 pm so no food after 5:30 am.  Now we usually wouldn't have take that time but we are still trying to figure out why she is screams like she is in pain at all hours of the day and night for no reason.  And she doesn't respond to sounds so they will test her hearing while she is sedated.  They will also run a test to make sure her urine isn't spilling into her kidneys and blood work for genetics.  All while sedated for 5th time (I think) since we've had her.  So no regular days for us yet.

Back in the hospital

So the only time I find to blog is when we are on day 5 of a hospital stay.  So here is a catch up since we have been home.  Three days after arriving home Addie had her first seizure.  I could write tons about this but too tired.  That was our first admittance into CHAD.  It was a one nighter (yea!!) they ran test figured out meds sent us home.  That was April 13th she then started having seizures again on the 18th and continued on until the 27 almost daily and needing her rescue drug, Diazepam given rectally.  Meds were added and increased.  May 4th we were admitted again to DHMC for vomiting.  This was just what we had seen in China..  Very long story here if you want to hear it let me know and Ill add more BUT quick version after MANY test we found she had malrotation of the intestines. They go in fix that remove appendix YEA after 10 days we go home!!  Every things fixed?  Keep reading.  Seizures start again tweak meds. Now I don't want to make it seem like we take the seizures lightly.  They SUCK and its horrible to watch her have them but until all her other "issues" are under control they are a part of her. So Doing good.  Lots of Doctor appointments its just a way of life right now she is getting ready for her first birthday party at home!  We celebrate on her birthday but her party was going to be on Saturday. Friday night 5/29 she throws up her meds before bed she throws up her night bottle and starts to throw up ever 15min after that.  Just like we saws in China JUST like we saw before her operation.  WHY!!! We cant get her seizure meds and oh she now has high blood pressure so she is on bp meds too into her so we head off to the ER.  Here is a side note: Its just sad when you have a bag packed for you and your husband to take with you because every ER and most DR visits turn into being admitted (insert tear here).  Sure enough by the time we get there she has two seizures in the ER and we give her here rescue meds. And she is admitted.  We are now on day 5 this is what we know.  She has Klebsiella a type of UTI that is not common in children.  She is resistant to many antibiotics and the first one while they waited for the bacteria to grow didn't do a thing so they now have her on the correct antibiotic.   She has Cyclic vomiting syndrome.  She is giving anti nausea medication that the original dosage was way to low and when the GI doctor stopped by was increased and not sure how that's working because she still is throwing up.  Ken and I are tired and we miss our other children.  But this isn't about us its about this beautiful baby girl we brought home almost 2 months ago that just cant catch a break.  We will just get to see the real her start to poke through and wham she's back in the hospital again.  It all comes without warning.  She is happy playing and it just hits her.  More test have been ordered, more sedations on top of all we are still waiting on with here

Home

The thing about leaving children at home is they still need you.  They want to be part of the trip and Face Time with you and talk.  You want to be home with them you want to look like everything is great and that you are having a good time.  You want to have your newly added smiling and waving hi to their new siblings through the computer.  That's not what happens when you have a very sick child.  When you barely see the outside of your hotel room. When you have had to doctor a child back to health in a County where you don't speak the language. Getting off the plane in Logan and seeing 8 smiling faces was the 2nd best part of the trip! It was fabulous to be home!!

Guangzhou April 1-10 2015

So much has happened since then it is all mashed together in my mind.  When the plane landed Addie started throwing up.  We weren't expecting this so we were covered in puke, she was covered in puke and we were being stared at.  We let everyone go by and Ken asked the flight attendant  is she has a plastic bag. NO. So we make our way off the plane to find out we are holding up the bus to take us to the terminal.  Lots of angry eyes.  We get on very crowed and Addie is throwing up again.  Get to the airport getting our bags (throwing up still).  Meet our guide (Mommy stares down some 20 something boys laughing at us!!!)  We have to change her in some seating section and head to the van.  We are a wreck she is a wreck and having dry heaves now.  We think motion sickness first time flying.  We get to the hotel and just want to rest.  Now we have had her 3 days and she hasn't pooped and they wouldn't answer my question "when did she poop last?" Ken gets his swim suit on and decides to get in the bath with her.  She poops this white/grey/little brown very hard poop.  Not looking good.  She doesn't eat much and cant keep it down.  Now here is where time gets blurry. She is still not able to keep anything down. We have her "physical" she is dehydrated she has to have blood drawn she is puking in the car/vans we travel in she is a limp noodle.  I ask on the WACAP fb page for advice where to take her. On Friday we call our guide early and say we NEED to take her to a clinic that was recommended to us.  We go and meet Dr Peggy (we loved Dr Peggy!!!) The look in her eyes when she meet us :( sadness, disgust, not really sure maybe angry.  We  find out Addie has a bacterial infection and is dehydrated.  She gives us meds AND her cell number and says call me this weekend! One question that sticks in my mind she asked was "Did you know she was like this?" Well yes and no. We knew she was small and had seizures and the cleft. We were not expecting no seizure meds and bag of oxygen and a very sick child.  Oh Dr Peggy also gives us a rescue med if she has a seizure.  OK off we go thinking its the infection and now that she has had the antibiotic shot and meds she is going to get better! Right..... wrong. We start feeding her with a medicine syringe that was with the baby Tylenol we had brought we tried water, Gatorade, coconut water, and formula.  Nothing but water stays down and if we go over 20ml she throws up.  Saturday night Ken wakes me up because he has gotten up to feed Addie and she is unresponsive.  We decide that if we were home we would bring her to the ER so that is what we are going to do.  We call our guide (who by the way was wonderful) and she brings us to a Women and Children's Hospital ER.  That was an experience I don't ever need to relive.  They give us rehydration fluid and cough syrup because she keeps coughing up phlegm and tell us to feed her every half hour.   Ken and I take shifts and start giving her 5ml up to 20 ml feeding her every 15min to 30min.  Monday we go back to the Clinic to have her blood tested to see if the infecting is gone and it has cleared up.  We are still feeding her with the syringe because she still wont take the bottle but she is showing a little more life, looking at us and staying awake more hours.  By Wednesday she is finally eating with her bottle and we get some smiles and she LAUGHS.  We were so happy!   She stops throwing up and we are hoping for a good flight home.  We manage to get out and walk around Shaiman the last two days we were there.  We spent the almost the entire time in our hotel room taking shifts feeding Addie and eating breakfast alone.  Not the trip we had planned.  We love the island and had looked forward to spending time there.  So happy to be going home. 

Keeping Her....

I want to talk a little more about this.  Never could we ever leave a child.  Even one who was sick and had/has so many issues we were not aware of.  Ken and I talk about how first time parents or unexperienced parents would have been SCARED.  That they probably would have disrupted or at least talked it over with their agency.  Adopting is not for the weak.  Adopting a special needs/special focus child is not something to go into lightly.  The needs these children have can be so far more then an operation.  The cost can be soooooo much more then the adoption cost.  This is my opinion and please don't feel the need to let me know if you disagree.  If you are adopting no matter WHAT the child you meet is yours just like when you have a baby YOU DONT GIVE THEM BACK!!! Could it disrupt your whole family dynamics and life YES.  Doctor bills and time YES. May they not grow into what you had imagined YES. But they will grow into where love, patience, and time brings them. All children deserve a family.

In Province

After we arrive at the hotel we fix Addie a bottle.  She is very eager to have it and it goes down pretty fast and comes up pretty fast too.  We figure she is nervous and seems to be a nervous baby.  That night goes OK we get her to eat a little and she sleeps alright.  The next day we are picked up by our guide who tells us that one of the women at the Civil Affairs Office had called her he night before and asked if we wanted to keep Addie because they felt we weren't going to.  So you should be able to guess what we looked like the day before when we were handed a bag of oxygen!!!!  OF COURSE WE WERE GOING TO KEEP HER!!! We did all the paperwork, get our picture taken etc. and back to the hotel.  She doesn't seem to be "feeling well" so we hang out at the hotel mostly.  Because of a holiday we are leaving for Guangzhou of Wednesday instead of the usually Friday.  We head to the airport with our "bag of oxygen" not knowing how the flight will go.  We spend some time at security with them trying to figure out how to tell us we cant take the bag of oxygen on the plane (but we knew that!) leave it at security and just want to get to Guangzhou.  We fix Addie a bottle as soon as the plane takes off and she falls asleep.  This is going to be easy!!  But wait the plane lands. 

The Trip: Day we meet Addie March 30th 2015

So you head off to China with all these thoughts of how it might be. How you will blog about all the things you see, the day you meet your child and all the bonding that is happening and then reality sets in.  Internet can be sketchy in places, your jet lagged and you have all you can do to keep up with everyone you left at home (especially if you have children at home).  And for us you are given a VERY sick child.  I have so much I want to say about the day we met Addie and I have gone over it in my head so many times.  We met her just like our other 3 children at the Civil Affairs office.  There was one other family there who was adopting a 5 year old boy.  We chatted and of course we forgot to get their names.  Addie came in first in a red jacket, jeans, sneakers (tied to her ankle with yarn) and the fancy hair we always saw in pictures.  She was tiny but we new she is SMALL for her age and scared, who wouldn't be.  Being our 4th time I was all set! Guide was video taping and Ken was taking pictures.  The Nanny was sad to give her to me and I had to reach for her she wasn't handing her over.  Addie didn't cry just looked around with her big eyes. 

A few things we knew about Addie: She had been having seizures, she had repaired CHD, she has a repaired cleft lip, unrepaired cleft pallet, she was on Topamax for seizures and given daily enemas for bowel movement.

So I start talking to the orphanage person who was translating and ask her about Addie's seizure meds.  Did they have them for us? As Im holding her and talking quietly and rubbing her back.  Here is the conversation that follows (or as much as I can remember so much has happened)

No No she doesn't always take them. Give her this (I'm being handed a BAG OF OXYGEN about pillow size) if she has an "episode".  ME: You mean seizure? No No not seizure. ME: what is an episode? You will see in her face.  ME: will she get blue? (Ok by now Im a little concerned about what is going on .  Gotten Ken and our guides attention that I need HELP) No you will see.  This is all I'm getting our of her. Oh and take it on the plane.

We ask if we can talk to the Nanny she is looking concerned and upset.  We are told this is just one of her Nanny's nothing special she has lots and they make her leave.  By now the other child has arrived and they are asking questions and we are left standing there.  None of our questions were answered even the simple ones like when did she last eat? when was her last bowel movement? what does she like to be called?

We head back to our hotel with a pale scared tiny little girl, a bag of oxygen, her bottle, some formula, diapers and a roll of toilet paper.  We are so happy to finally have our little girl.

Long week

It has been a very long week with a sick little girl. Two visits to an English speaking clinic and one to the ER and we think she on the mend. Our consulate appointment is tomorrow we fly to Beijing Thursday and HOME Friday. She much to share just not the energy so I will share some pictures. Sorry photos won't post 😞

We finally meet Addie

After all the work and waiting we finally were able to meet our new daughter Addie.  At 9:30AM on Monday March 30th, she entered the civil affairs office where we were waiting.  She was scared, nervous, and confused about what was going on.  After being told she was on medications, all they arrived with was a blue and orange inflated pillow that was full of oxygen.  "If she has an episode, open the tube and place it near her face."  Not what we were expecting so we were a little concerned, but most of parenting is playing things by ear anyway.  We went back to the room and she seemed hungry so we mixed up a bottle of formula they gave us which she drank down in a hurry.  We started a FaceTime call with Max and Emily when Addie's mouth turned into a flowing fountain of formula, all over Carrie, Addie, the couch, and the floor.  Didn't look too good on the other end of the FaceTime call.  We got things cleaned up best we could, and restarted the call.  She (and Ken) took a good nap in the afternoon in Ken's lap while having a bottle of rice meal we brought with us, and took it easy until we all fell asleep around 8PM.  She woke around 2AM for another bottle and fell back asleep well.  We got an early start to day 2, leaving at 8AM to go back to the Civil Affairs office for the interview, paying fees, and finalizing the adoption.  Addie held up well, but got fussy when we got back to the hotel and didn't really want to eat.  We went for a walk to Walmart to get more water, some baby food, and Lays chips.  Addie also needed some shoes that fit, so we strolled through the indoor market adjacent to Walmart and found a baby shoe store.  We happened upon some squeaky shoes in her size and paid the 50 yuan without trying to haggle.  The store clerk was so happy and helpful (with zero English) but wanted a picture of us with her on her cell phone.  Hey, it had to happen at least once while we were in province where we have yet to see another Caucasian :)

The day before we meet Addie

This is day 3 for us and finally feeling like the time change isn't kicking my but! We are waiting for a call from our guide to see what the plans are for tomorrow when we get our girl!! So hoping its early in the morning because the waiting is horrible.  We went for two walks today. One to Walmart and the other a nice park next to our hotel.  The Walmart was interesting. We bought some water and sprite and checked out clothes and diapers. There was also a "Mall" in the same building .  Its so fun to go places with Ken he will explore anything. He just says we can see our hotel from here (tall building) so we know how to get back! The park could be so pretty but the water is disgusting and it is so dry. Its so fun to watch the faces of the small children wen they see us. We haven't seen any other non Asian people at all in Taiyuan. They look in shock and then smile really big when you say "Ni hao". 

Just a test

The below pictures were a test to see if I could post from my phone. They are some of the first photos of our trip and a few photos taken in Beijing.  That is the Sun to the lft of the tree.  Pollution  is horrible.

3 AM and I'm awake

So I've tried to post pictures from my phone but it first seem to work and the computer genius is sleeping next to me luck him!! So far we are doing great. Sleep is getting there. The high speed train ride from Beijing to Taiyun was really nice. Seeing that part of  China was well worth any extra time it may have taken. We are in Taiyun for 4 nights and get Addie TOMORROW!! Not sure what time we haven't talk to our guide yet. We walked around on our own yesterday down a street market and found a wonderful park just down the road. Ken and I plan on walking more of it today and posting pictures. Missing our kids terrible.

We have landed

Little jet laged. Hopping to feel better after some (more) sleep. Taking train tomorrow to Addie's province.  Good Night.

Next week at this time.....

WE WILL BE FLYING TO CHINA!!!! I haven't been doing a great job keeping the blog updated so here goes.  We got our TA, CA, booked our flights and our Visas will be here tomorrow.  Hoping to have our travel plans from our agency by tomorrow too! Lots to do this weekend.  We will take the coach into Boston on the 25th and stay with Sannie and Noah. Fly out of Boston to DC and then on to Beijing. We will then take the train to our little girls Providence, Taiyuan. That will give us a couple of nights to get adjusted to the time difference.  Then on Monday, March 30 we get her!!!! After a week in Providence we will fly to GZ on Friday.  We will be home April 10th!! I hope to keep the blog updated while in China, especially with pictures, but not sure if I will be able to post. It all happening so fast now!

Were we are at

We are waiting on ART 5 pick up and that is scheduled for March 9th!  Yea!! Ken is working on our visas and I am working on a packing list.  Addie's backpack came in the mail and I cant wait to start packing it.  Time to get the gifts, already got the red bags, not stressing on that this will be the 4th time and no one seems to really care.  Its getting close!!! Still hoping for beginning of April.  Also waiting on an update. Please come this week!!!!!!

What its really like

I removed a post I had posed several days ago.  Not because I am embarrassed or feel it was harmful in anyway now or later to Teddy.  But because whether or not advice or comments were meant to be positive they were not what I was looking for.  It was to make others aware that we don't always know how our children (or other people in general) feel and think.  To take the time to stop and really make sure daily that you know how their day is going.  Ted is doing great. He has many people who love and care about him and he will be getting professional help at school and outside if needed,  We thought he was doing well with the move we made almost 2 years ago but now we know he isn't.  We thought he was bonding and feeling secure in the family but maybe he isn't. We do know that Ted loves attention, he loves to be the loudest in the room and always right, he pouts easy and always thinks someone else has made out better then him.  These are issues we have worked on for 5 years but now its time for some outside help. 

Now for the title of my post.  Isn't it interesting we go to other families adoption blogs hoping to find out what its really like, how a child has transitioned into your family. But we get is "oh they are doing wonderful" "its like they have always been with us" "It was a wonderful experience".........Then when you read one that puts some real stuff out there you get comments like "Do you think you want your child to see this someday?" "Should this be on a public forum?" Its sad, I think we make people who suffer feel like they suffer alone (in life in general).

Now back to posting about our current adoption were everyone is waiting for cute pictures of our daughter and our journey to China.

Packing

We traveled in April for Lilly so we have been to China this time of the year before but I am having a hard time packing!  Not sure why but I just don't feel like it.  Ken and I both got new suitcases (mines purple) and I've been buying a few things and making list.  I bought these black pants from Old Navy that in the review someone wrote were GREAT for long flight travel.  I don't plan on wearing them on the plane but they seem really easy to wash in a sink and will look nice for the day we meet Addie.  I don't plan on dressing up but jeans and a T shirt isn't what I want either.  So this is what I have so far for clothes:

Wearing Yoga pants T shirt and sweat shirt on plane
Jeggings
black pants
tan capris

Sweater (button up)
red/blue/black short sleeve shirts
maybe a skirt (I like to wear skirts)
Swim suit? there is an indoor pool

I think I have all of Addies clothes figured out.  I know I can buy there but I really like to have the clothes washed before she wears them.  Well there will probably be a clothes update as it gets closer.

Up date

Too few and too far in between is how I blog! So here is what's been going on.  Our I800 has been approved. Ken called on my Birthday (2/13) and they told him it had been approved on 2/11 and sent to NVC.  He called NVC but it hadn't been put into their system yet and told him to call back middle of next week.  So hopefully it will be approved by Wednesday and we can get the information we need to file the DS260.  Then on to the next step.  We are still hoping to travel in April.  We are asking for an update on Wei Kang Hong this week.  When she was at Little Flowers we got new pictures at least once a month.  Now that she is back at the orphanage we get nothing.  Its been almost 2 months I'm a little  nervous to see a new picture of her.  They kept such good care of her at LF and now she is on so much more medication for the seizures .  We have plenty to keep us busy here so I think the time will pass quickly.  We are almost done with the painting for her side of the room and when that's done we can bring in the crib and her dresser.  I have clothes to wash and bedding to buy and that will happen the end of February.  Lots to do! 

No LSC BUT I800 Sent

Ive been putting off writing a post until we received our LSC/LOA and we were told last week we had been approved and  would have it this week BUT NOTHING!!! So when the phone rang and the number was our agency YEA? NO it still isn't here.  BUT (lots of buts here) our case worker wants to file our I800 and get things started and then when our I800 comes we will sign it and she will email it off to NBC and ask them to interfile it with the rest of our paperwork.  Hoping this will save a couple of days. So I would say that is good news! So our I800 was sent today. Next step approval! This wait is hard. Even knowing this it isn't any easier. It also doesn't get any easier the more times you do it. The kids are getting so anxious they really wish they were going but even if we changed our mind their passports expired (that's on my to do list).  I will miss them sooooooo much but I don't want to think about that yet.  Here's hoping the next steps are speedy ones.

Lots happened this week and hopfully more next week!

Well we know we were getting close to the average wait right now for LSC/LOA and I've been a little anxious. The wait average right now on one of the sights I stalk is 65 days.  We got an email from our agency on Thursday saying we had passed the reviewing department and was being passed on to the matching department.  The matching department agreed to issue our LSC as soon as possible.  Then Fri (yesterday) our status switched to matched which means they have issued our LSC!!! So our agency should have it (hoping early) next week!!!! Then what you ask? We have already filled our the I800 and it is waiting at the agency for our signed LSC to be sent our. Then we WAIT again (imagine that) for our I800 to be processed and our TA.  I've asked what the average time is from LCS to TA (travel approved sorry I forget not everyone speaks adoption) is and haven't heard back yet.  I'm thinking 60 ? So travel in April!!!??? Lets keep our fingers crossed BECAUSE with all this good news came a new update and they have her on two meds Phenobarbital and Topamax and having seizures "occasionally" but they don't know if she is having them before or after they give her the meds. So are the meds causing the seizures?  We just so much want her home and get her to our Doctor and get her evaluated so we know how to help her.

Up date

A couple of weeks ago we asked our agency for an update on Addie's height and weight.  We are planning on sending it along with the list of drugs they have recently put her on to our Doctor.  What we got back is that she has been moved back to the orphanage from Little Flowers.  She has spent pretty much her whole life at LF and now to be moved back with strangers.  My heart breaks every time I think about it.  Just one more thing to make this wait harder.  Like we need more help with that! 

Traveling without Lilly

This will be our 4th trip to China and the only one Lilly will not be with us. I am having very mixed emotions about this.  Lilly is a wonderful traveler! She is happy all the time, she doesn't complain, and she loves the adventure.  But Lilly is like this all the time.  When she is around me 90% of the time I feel relaxed and at peace.  Lil can help you see the good in anything.  Being away from all of my kids (even the one who doesn't live at home) is one of the hardest parts of this for me.  We have brought them with us before, when we traveled for Ollie San, Max and Lil went and when we traveled for Ted Ollie and Lil went. So why not this time? The cost. To add 3 extra travelers I guess would be at least an extra $6,000. And I can honestly say bonding.  I really feel we missed out on some special alone time with Ted by having the girls with us.  They were young enough to need our attention and it took time away from him and he wanted to be with them as much if not more then us. So just Ken and I will travel.  I am hoping for some quiet bonding time where we get to know her and she gets to know us.  I know from our first trip come day 8 I WILL want to come home.